So, it’s your dad’s birthday. Time to pick up a nice little card that says “Thanks for the childhood trauma—just kidding!” You could hit the usual aisle of recycled jokes and glitter… or you could hand him something that’ll blow his socks off.

Whether you’re looking for a funny birthday card, something cooler than a grocery store gift basket, or a funny gag gift that comes with actual bacon—we’ve got you. These aren’t just paper cards—they’re man-tested, meat-infused, and guaranteed to leave an impression.

The Meat Card™ – It’s Not Just a Card, It’s Beef

You ever looked at a birthday card and thought, “Wish I could eat this”? No, but now you can! The Meat Card™ is a full-size slab of beef jerky with your custom message laser-etched right into it. It’s smoky, savory, and says everything a folded paper card could—except now it’s edible.

Engrave the Message With: "Happy Birthday (Dad, Papa, or Pops)" or try hitting him with a pun like "HAPPY BEEFDAY"

The Official MAN CARD Bottle Opener – Finally, a Card He’ll Keep

Hallmark cards end up in the trash. The Official MAN CARD? Its the kind of card that sticks around. It’s not paper—it’s stainless steel, credit-card sized, and doubles as a bottle opener. Translation: it lives in his wallet forever. Or until he uses it to crack open a cold one while fixing the garage door.

Perfect pairings: Six-pack of his favorite brew and that classic "I taught you everything you know" smirk.

The Alibi – When the Gift is Late, but the Excuse is Legendary

Oops—forgot to order the gift in time? Grab The Alibi for just a buck. Disguised as an official-looking evidence card, this clever card spins a hilarious tale about why your dad’s gift arrived fashionably late. Was it held up by TSA? Hijacked by bacon bandits? Kidnapped by meat-loving squirrels? The possibilities are endless—and funny.

Why it works: It turns a shipping fail into comic gold. Bonus: it only costs a buck and guarantees a laugh.

The Bacon, Beer & Whiskey MANcakes™ Kit – Pancakes He’ll Actually Brag About

Sure, you could get your dad a cute “Happy Birthday Daddy” card with puppies on it… You coulld get the Bacon, Beer & Whiskey MANcakes™ Kit 

This isn't just a pancake mix—it’s a full-blown birthday experience. The kit includes everything needed to whip up a stack of savory-sweet pancakes with real bacon, dark chocolate espresso beans,whiskey barrel aged maple syrup, and more! One bite in, and your dad’s going to forget every bland birthday breakfast he's ever had.

Tastes like: Sunday morning with a side of manliness.

The Gesture – When One Slab of Jerky Just Isn’t Enough

For the dad who deserves more than just a message, The Gesture goes all in. Inside this sharp, black gift box? A Beef Jerky Flower Bouquet a Man Card, and a customizable Meat Card™ —  No frills. No fluff. Just pure, delicious fuel for the man who made you.

Best of all: Your message can be etched right into one of the slabs, so you skip the paper card altogether. And with a MAN CARD included, it’s a combo gift that checks every box.

Because a Real Dad Card Should Come With Bacon

You could grab another birthday greeting card for dad with gold foil and a sad poem inside. Or you could hand him a jerky slab that says “Happy Birthday, Papa” and it doubles as a snack. These hilarious, delicious, and useful alternatives are nested in our collection Gifts for The Guy Who Deserves More Than a Card.

Whether you call him a funny dad, a cool dad, or daddy—these gifts knock the paper out of the park.

And hey—if you still feel the need to buy a traditional card? Fine. But at least stick it next to some jerky.